Updated: Jul 31, 2019
I am not delicate.
If one day the botany lords came to earth and transformed everyone into their spirit flower, I would be a gritty, large-headed sunflower.
Bright and beautiful, perhaps; but given the right circumstances, ominous lighting and the propensity to stare a little too long at strangers, the beloved sunflower and I are inclined to be unintentionally creepy. We aren’t exactly the poster children of delicateness like our lily, rose and tulip friends.
Perhaps the best tale of my inability to be delicate surrounds my wedding reception.
I hate weddings. If it were up to me, I would have invited a few beloved friends to an all-you-can-eat Indian buffet, toasted and finished the night with a bottle of tums and Anthony Bourdain on an endless Netflix loop. In the land of Bridezilla, I lived in the opposite extreme: prancing into puddles, flagrantly staining my dress’s train and permitting my bridesmaids to goop all the harlot-esque eyeshadow onto their eyelids that their hearts desired. How I looked and appeared on my wedding day mattered very little; after all it was just a day. It would be no different when I needed to go to the bathroom. I scoffed at the idea of entire wedding parties sojourning with a bride in her stall to hold up her dress so that she might have the courage to pee.
This was the 21st century, and being a far cry from a delicate flower, I would do it on my own. Unfortunately, as I proudly flushed the toilet and exited the stall, I felt a cold wet slap to my back side.
Slap. Pat. Slap. Pat. I was being taunted. Slap. Pat. Slap. Pat. It wouldn’t end.
When I finally located the source of my cold wet slap, I realized that I had peed all over my beautiful satin belt that had come loose in my solitary peeing endeavor. There wasn’t time to rectify this as I could hear the DJ announce the first dance with bride and groom.
In a huff of shame, I took one deep breath and squeezed as much pee and toilet bowl water as I could from my belt, washed my hands, and scuttled onto the dance floor where my beloved groom awaited. Instantly, the chords for “Broken Road” began.
“Every long lost road, led me to where you are…”
Slap. Pat. Slap. Pat.
“Others who broke my heart, they were just northern stars…”
Slap. Pat. Slap. Pat.
With every chord progression, I was slapped by a urine-soaked noodle of a belt.
And after 4 minutes of this, I realized that perhaps being delicate in this situation would have been a much better, less bacteria-laden option.
It’s been years since my urine-soaked noodle debacle, and I have come a long way from my days of being delicate-averse. I have since discovered a middle ground and realized that when it comes to style there are items that can be both delicate and durable. They may look like roses, but they can have the fortitude of sunflowers. To illustrate, let's consider the classic pencil skirt.
A black pencil skirt is timeless. If you invest in a high-quality piece now, it may just last you until you reach retirement, sending you away in style as you enjoy your days of prune juice and Sensodyne. When it comes to polish and low maintenance, this gem from Banana Republic fits the bill. Made of an Italian Mill Morzotto blend, this skirt offers generous stretch in a tailored, high-waisted silhouette. Additionally, the thoughtful darting along the back waistband allows for flattering shaping, while a strategic side slit offers just hint of classy sex appeal. This skirt moves with you, feels luxurious against your skin, and as if things couldn’t get any better, it is thoughtfully machine washable. This black pencil skirt is a multi-functional yet delicate powerhouse that can seamlessly take you from the office to play date to date night.
Plaid and Pencil
Whitney and Bobby, Oprah and Stedmond, Burt and Ernie. It will always be true: opposites attract, especially when it comes to the plaid top and pencil skirt (seen above). While the plaid top oozes casual outdoor adventures, if you button it to the collar and tuck it into this black beauty of a skirt, you will have achieved effortless office chic style. Pair this look with a pair of stilettos or caged foot heels and you will be ready to benevolently rule over your office.
Tina and Pencil
I am a thief. I take a cut of everything my husband owns. I call it the unalienable wife tax: whether it is his brunch stack of blueberry lemon curd pancakes or graphic tees in his closet, what’s his is basically mine. And when it comes to graphic tees, larger, zany ones that come from my husband’s closet work best and pair beautifully with this black pencil skirt. For this look, I gathered all the excess fabric to the side of the shirt and tied a double knot with a black hair tie, then simply tucked the fabric into the shirt. When it comes to showing a little bit of skin, I find the spot that sits just a few inches below the boobs and a few inches above the belly button as the ultimate window of opportunity. I like to role the sleeves once over themselves for a bit of added sass. And there you have it: an outfit that is fun, sexy and yes, maybe even a little quirky - perfect for running errands or a last-minute coffee outing with friends.
Kimono and Pencil
Don’t be surprised at what you can achieve in this pencil skirt. If you have a fancy outing to tend to and you can’t find anything to wear, look no farther than this pairing of our wonder skirt and a floral green kimono top that sits with a long waterfall drape. To tighten the look, I knotted the two opposing draping pieces in the center to highlight the bustline and show the slightest hint of classy evening skin. Thanks to the high-waisted skirt, you can rest assured that this look achieves an understated yet sexy “peekaboo” to the tummy region. To ensure that you are protected from any boob cameos at dinner, be sure to wear a bandeau under the kimono for added support and a second line of defense in protecting your girls.
Skirting Around The Issue
My aversion to being delicate left me beaten up by a cold, wet, urine-soaked noodle of a belt on my wedding day. Consider this a warning that the same fate may befall you if you choose to follow in my foolish, delicate-avoidant footsteps. After all, there is a place for delicate things provided they are durable. The same rings true for your style, as this thoughtful black pencil skirt from Banana Republic was crafted to offer you a delicate silhouette while simultaneously being durable enough to take the rough and tumble of every domestic life event imaginable. If you need some help finding the perfect balance of durability and delicateness in your wardrobe, sign up for a free style session with me and let’s get started!
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