Leftovers Are For Losers: A Stylist's Guide To Mastering Brunch

Updated: Jul 30, 2019


I have not made eye contact with a cruciferous vegetable in months, and hearing the inventive weekend specials read aloud by a server is more emotionally invigorating than any conversation I could imagine with a friend. I blame – and thank - Portland for the witchcraft that is its brunch culture. Brunch in this city is not designed for the faint of heart.


In your quest to become a Portland brunch master, you will need mental stamina, strategy and innate physical talent. Waiting in an eternal line will be your new normal. You will be led to a deep and dark place: knees buckling, calf muscles spasming, dry mouth ensuing, convinced that this particular version of eggs benedict will be worth the two-hour wait. You will be tested in your ability to deploy strategy in securing and locating the most delicious and cost-efficient item on the menu. And most importantly, your physical talent will be required of you as you grossly defy all FDA portion guidelines and swiftly transport all edible substances from your plate into your burning belly. Leave nothing uneaten because we all know leftovers are for losers. Brunch is a kind of sport in this city, and its champions come prepared.


Unfortunately, I have seen this too often: a well-intentioned but inexperienced brunch enthusiast who is unfamiliar with all that is required. I’ve watched them shift uncomfortably in their seats, contorting their bodies in odd positions and tugging at their unforgiving clothing, trying to make room for an expanding belly line. With everything that is involved in being a brunch champion, don’t let ill-fitting clothing stop you. With these quick and easy no fail items, I will show you what to wear to brunch to look fabulous while still being able to eat whatever you damn well please.


The Empire Waist Dress Strikes Back


There is no telling when the brunch bloat will besiege your unsuspecting body. A plate of doughy syrup laden breakfast appetizers could expand your belt line in a matter of minutes or upon first contact with your lips. Time is of the essence, and there is no mercy for those who are unprepared. Fortunately for you, the empire waist lined maxi dress is fit to combat brunch bloat while making you look effortlessly fabulous in the process.


The empire waist maxi dress hits just below the bust line. This specific cut works to emphasize the bust and define a waistline that is narrower than your actual waist. The exaggerated and raised waistline will make you look leaner while simultaneously drawing attention away from the belly line. This dress and dresses like it will gently billow out along your leg line, giving your belly room to expand, dance, sing, and commemorate the festivities of brunch without anyone ever knowing.


The Return of The Palazzo Pant


We have all been there. Proudly heading off to brunch in a pair of tightly fitted jeans that show off our backside, only to be writhing in our seats an hour later trying to inconspicuously unbutton, unzip and make room for the aftershock of brunch. The discomfort alone will make you wonder if this will always be the price you pay for trying to look cute while ingesting omelettes the size of a newborn. Fortunately for you, the palazzo pant is the ultimate partner in crime that will grow and expand with you.


Palazzo pants are the stuff dreams are made of, offering the comfort of your favorite pajama bottoms with a touch of bohemian flare. These pants are typically cut with a wide and loose leg line. The added volume in the leg line can create contrast to your upper half, miraculously creating the illusion of a slim waist. Most notable is the forgiving waistband that is made of an elastic and spandex blend giving you and your body luxurious stretch and a guilt-free brunch experience. The anxiety around unbuttoning and unzipping won’t exist when you reach for these. The palazzo pant is an elevated and stylish eating pant we can all agree on.


A New Hope: Cold Shoulder Top


An exposed shoulder top is the balm for any ailing wardrobe and is equipped to solve virtually any style conundrum. When I am feeling doughy, frumpy, grouchy, and even gassy before a brunch excursion there is nothing this top cannot make right. This piece is the ultimate reset button that brings confidence and comfort back into your style equation. The peekaboo cut outs add visual interest and draw the eyes toward the neckline, de-emphasizing all that is brewing in the tummy region underneath. The shirt comes away from the waist but does not billow out dramatically allowing for ample room to enjoy your food without looking like you are wearing a modern day moo moo. Bring on the biscuits!


The Hunger Awakens: Becoming A Brunch Master


Whether it's chicken and waffles at Screen Door or a breakfast sando at Fried Egg I'm In Love, Portland brunch options are limitless with new spots opening every month all over the city. With these forgiving styling options at your fingertips, you now have the tools to comfortably master the art of Portland brunch with style - no leftovers required.



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