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Showing An Asshole Wardrobe Who's Boss

Updated: Jul 31, 2019



A doctor,


a fair trade unicorn farmer,


a humanitarian,


and yes, maybe even Beyonce.


All mothers have big dreams for who their little humans may grow up to be. And of all the Funfetti-laden hopes uttered into the universe, perhaps the greatest of all sprang forth from my new friend and partner:


“To raise my children to not be assholes.”


And when I look at the two bags of disposed dog shit grazing on my front lawn gifted by a loving neighbor or hear the drunken cackling of millennials in the distance, I am gently reminded that “raising your children to not be assholes” is not just a lofty endeavor but a moral imperative that has far reaching consequences.


Kristan Braziel, mother, blogger and owner of BringMommyAMartini.com, ensures that twenty years from now, for at least two young men, there will be no popped collars, stunner shades or even the slightest utterance of “Bruh” in a sentence. No, these men will grow up and be made of the stuff mothers dream of: wearing sunglasses that fit their faces, folding their collars and buttoning the end of their sentences with actual words that can be found in the English dictionary.



This endeavor is one small step for Kristan and one giant leap for mankind.


I recently spent some time with Kristan discussing motherhood, running her business, and of course, style.


Kristan, how did you come up “Bring Mommy A Martini?” What does it mean to you?


Kristan: Several years ago, I was at one of those cute boutique places where everything is cute, but also super-expensive, and they had a rack of vintage-looking greeting cards near the checkout counter. The cards had real photographs from the 50's and 60's with snarky comments on them. One had a woman sitting on a sofa in her 1950's frock, sort-of shooing away her daughter - also in a cute dress and with a ribbon in her hair - and in the speech bubble, it said, "That's lovely, dear, now run along and bring mommy a martini." I laughed so hard, I had tears running down my cheeks because this is something I swear I could see my own mother doing with me. After all, she did drive me down to the 7-11 when I was a kid, handing me a few dollars and sending me in for a pack of Salem 100's Menthol. Good grief.


As a mom and an entrepreneur, you have to wear a lot of different “hats.” What’s your favorite “hat” to wear? Your least favorite?


Kristan: My favorite hat is chauffeuring my son to ice rinks around town three days a week for him to play hockey. We live out in the country and the only rinks are down in Austin, which is about 30 miles away, and Austin traffic is TERRIBLE. But this is one of my favorite times with my son because I have him captive in the car and it's when I hear all about the friends he's hanging out with and everything going on in his brain.


My least favorite is serving as door-woman to my three dogs. I work from home, and these sons-a-bitches treat me like I'm the help, demanding I let them in and out and in and out all damn day. It drives me bananas, mainly because it's hard for me to get deeply-focused on my work because of the constant stopping and starting. I suppose I could tell them no, but I'm their bitch and that's not how it works around here.

It’s hard enough to make time for your own style as a working woman without kids. What’s the biggest challenge for you as a working mother when it comes to your style?


Kristan: Working from home, I don't usually need to be too gussied up, but I'm kind-of funny about not being able to get into work mode until I've gotten dressed and put makeup on and at least run a comb through my freshly dry-shampooed hair. I am not one of those work-in-jammies kind of girls. For the most part, I'm in yoga pants, but I feel like a schlepp because of it.


There are some times when I have an event like a lunch or happy hour that I like to be somewhat pulled together for, and my biggest challenge in those instances are trying to look fashionable without looking like I'm trying to look younger than I am.


If you had to describe your current style, what would you say?


Kristan: What it IS - LuLaRoe meets 24 Hour Fitness

What I WANT it to be - Not-too-trendy Mod Cloth


What words of advice do you have for other moms out there starting their own businesses?


Kristan: First is to network - join organizations, meetups, etc., especially if you work from home, like most bloggers and online professionals do. Make connections and - this is the second piece of advice - nurture those connections. Write handwritten notes to people who you want to make an impression on so that you will stand out in their minds. Always, always protect your reputation by working your hardest and never burning bridges.


Third, commit to being an ever-evolving creation of your own design. That means taking classes and workshops to learn new skills and meet new people, and being open to adjusting or course-correcting as technology, your client’s needs, and your own personal likes and dislikes change.


And lastly, my favorite: keep a sense of humor - always, always. Things are just not as serious as we sometimes initially think. Cancer is serious. Domestic violence is serious. Kids having to eat out of dumpsters is serious. Losing a client sucks really bad, but let's keep it in perspective, mkay?

While Kristan is saving the world from experiencing the unrestrained selfishness of spoiled, asshole children, we did some detective work and noticed during our time that there is actually a closeted asshole in her own life, snuffing out her mojo… those damned yoga pants!


Mothers, it is the greatest crime of all when you pour your hearts out for others but neglect to care for your own style. You deserve to look and feel like the Boss Ladies you are instead of letting your clothes act like a gang of assholes, hiding you from expressing to the world your full potential.


For Kristan, this meant finding some clothing that didn’t leave her feeling like a schlepp while still being easy enough to put on with her full schedule. And as you can tell, Kristan has quite the personality, and daily yoga pants don’t exactly line up. We needed something more expressive to match her wit and flair.


Enter this V-necked, polka dot dress from Ralph Lauren (by way of my local consignment shop).



Not only does Kristan simply need to throw the dress over her head to be fully clothed, the V-neck gives classy definition to “the girls,” highlights her waist, elongates her frame and accentuates her hourglass figure. The cute polka dot print echoes the not-to-trendy Mod Cloth look Kristan was hoping for while still looking age appropriate. Kristan was able to rock this gem over the holidays at her family’s get-together, ringing in the new year in style with the people she loves most (and leaving her tyrant dogs at home).


Getting to know and collaborating with Kristan has been candy canes and rainbows to my soul. She's a complete professional, has an innate gift with words, and I'm a little bit too preoccupied with her interior design skills (I'm in love with that little yellow suitcase!). Working with her long-distance from Portland to Austin has been easier than eating a whole bag of chips on a Sunday, and I can't wait to read more of her writing on her blog in 2019.


If you are an entrepreneur in need of some creative direction with your brand, marketing, or website, head over to bringmommyamartini.com to explore her website services and writing services. Kristan brings 20+ years of marketing experience to the table and has a passion for helping businesses of all sizes find the right words to speak to their people. The best way to connect is to email her at kristan@bringmommyamartini.com so she can customize a package just for you. You can get her juiciest nuggets by signing up for her emails, and you can follow her @bringmommyamartini on Instagram for more cute dogs, witty banter, and deeply insightful words on being a Mama-on-the-go.


And if you also are victim to an asshole wardrobe, let’s show those clothes who’s boss. Set up your free style session with me today!



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